The corpse of a butterfly

"My god! people say. You have so much self-control! And later: My god. You’re so, so sick. When..."

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 16:36:02 -0400

“My god! people say. You have so much self-control! And later: My god. You’re so, so sick. When people say this, they turn their heads, you’ve won your little game. You have proven your thesis that no-body-loves-me-every-body-hates-me, guess-I’ll-just-eat-worms. You get to sink back into your hospital bed, shrieking with righteous indignation. See? you get to say. I knew you’d give up on me. I knew you’d leave.”

- Marya Hornbacher

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Tue, 05 Jun 2012 16:22:32 -0400

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Thu, 31 May 2012 21:18:45 -0400

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Thu, 31 May 2012 21:07:19 -0400

I Am A Rock

Thu, 31 May 2012 07:14:44 -0400

A winter’s day-
in a deep and dark December
I am alone-
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock, I am an island.

I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and loving I disdain
I am a rock, I am an island

Don’t talk of love
but I’ve heard the word before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber of the feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock, I am an island

I have my books
and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armour
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock, I am an island
And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.

- Paul Simon

“You have to crawl into the wounds to discover what your...

Tue, 29 May 2012 21:01:41 -0400

“You have to crawl into the wounds to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.”

“It’s about realizing, painfully, you’ve kept...

Tue, 29 May 2012 21:00:30 -0400

“It’s about realizing, painfully, you’ve kept that voice inside yourself, locked away from even yourself. And you step back and see that your jailer has changed faces. You realize you’ve become your own jailer.”

You’re beautiful the way you are.

Tue, 29 May 2012 20:46:15 -0400

You’re beautiful the way you are.

“Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says...

Sun, 20 May 2012 13:23:57 -0400

“Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs.”

-Madness: A Bipolar Life

“It is not a sudden leap from sick to well. It is a slow,...

Sun, 20 May 2012 13:21:08 -0400

“It is not a sudden leap from sick to well. It is a slow, strange meander from sick to mostly well. The misconception that eating disorders are a medical disease in the traditional sense is not helpful here. There is no cure. A pill will not fix it, though it may help. Ditto therapy, ditto food, ditto endless support from family and friends. You fix it yourself. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I found myself stronger for doing it. Much stronger.”

-Marya Hornbacher

“If I had lady-spider legs, I would weave a sky where the stars...

Sun, 20 May 2012 13:12:17 -0400

“If I had lady-spider legs, I would weave a sky where the stars lined up. Matresses would be tied down tight to their trucks, bodies would never crash through windshields. The moon would rise above the wine-dark sea and give babies only to maidens and musicians who had prayed long and hard. Lost girls wouldn’t need compasses or maps. They would find gingerbread paths to lead them out of the forest and home again. They would never sleep in silver boxes with white velvet sheets, not until they were wrinkled-paper grandmas and ready for the trip. ”

-Laurie Halse Anderson

“I grew into it. It grew into me. It and I blurred at the edges,...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:57:24 -0400

“I grew into it. It grew into me. It and I blurred at the edges, became one amorphous, seeping, crawling thing.”

"I do not remember very many things from the inside out. I do not remember what it felt like to touch..."

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:36:19 -0400

“I do not remember very many things from the inside out. I do not remember what it felt like to touch things, or how bathwater traveled over my skin. I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break. Even now, when people lean down to touch me, or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder, I hold my breath. I turn my face. I want to cry.”

- Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia

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Thu, 19 Apr 2012 18:30:34 -0400

"Scar tissue has no character. It’s not like skin. It doesn’t show age or illness or..."

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:37:34 -0400

“Scar tissue has no character. It’s not like skin. It doesn’t show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It’s like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what’s beneath. That’s why we grow it; we have something to hide.”

- Girl, Interrupted

“And so I went through the looking glass, stepped into the...

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:36:29 -0400

“And so I went through the looking glass, stepped into the netherworld, where up is down and food is greed, where convex mirrors cover the walls, where death is honor and flesh is weak. It is ever so easy to go. Harder to find your way back.”

“I told her once that I wasn’t good at anything....

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 21:32:00 -0400

“I told her once that I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.”

“People don’t understand that those with eating...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:06:41 -0400

“People don’t understand that those with eating disorders are not shallow. They feel too much. They feel the need to whither like their feelings.”

"Scales only have the power which we bestow upon them. Imagine if I said “my self-worth is..."

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:05:47 -0400

“Scales only have the power which we bestow upon them. Imagine if I said “my self-worth is determined by the toaster.”

"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always..."

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:04:38 -0400

“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. i’ll always be with you.”

- Winnie the Pooh